IndependentTristate's Political Ramblings

Apparently, little things like malignant brain tumors are all it takes to make senior Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy break his speaking engagements. Just like a Democrat.

But, not to worry, Barack Obama is kind enough to fill in for him and peddle Hope before a trapped audience of young educated voters at their university commencement this weekend...

"Ted and I talked about me filling in for him at Wesleyan University earlier this week," Mr. Obama said in a statement.

"Considering what he's done for me and for our country, there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. So I'm looking forward to standing in his place on Sunday even though I know I won't be able to fill his shoes."

(I apologize in advance for the following pseudo-joke.)

I hope the students don't mind the Change

What's a candidate who fails to capture the imagination of one of the two major parties to do when he still desperately wants to stay in the race? The same thing The Eagles did -- launch a farewell tour. And in politics, the equivalent of the farewell tour is joining the Libertarian party at the last minute. The Libertarian Party National Convention starts today and runs till May 26th, and we happened to get a look at the tour riders for the major candidates.

Bob Barr

* Aquafina bottled water (2 cases)
* Extra virgin lard (3 goblets)
* Softcover Starr Report: Classic Edition (above toilet)
* Heterosexual married couple in need of paunchy defender (plaid-clad, frightened-seeming)
* Sweet Georgia Mustache Grease (1 glob)

Mike Gravel

* Crab salad sandwiches (8)
* Hat (one half)
* Two thick stones (any size)
* Unflattering portrait of ex-wife (defaced with adage, "Alaska: you don't lose your girl, you lose your turn")
* Cream (10 platefuls)

Special Mystery Guest?

* "RP" swag (700 t-shirts, 10 t-shirt guns, executive order to de-regulate t-shirt launchers, t-shirt flak grenades, t-shirt laser-guided bombs and other t-shirt weaponry)
* Rabid supporters (50-60,000)
* Some "really good ideas you should check out" (2 or 3)
* Dogged, delusional persistence (more than anyone thought)
* Instructions on "How to Ruin Your Family's Memorial Day Picnic" (500 pamphlets)

With the Ron Paul Revolution currently in remission, and the mainstream media conspiring to keep the Texas Congressman's failed presidential campaign out of the headlines, what's an embittered Paulite to do?

Well, you've got a couple of options...

1. You can get behind the winning Republican candidate. (Unlikely.)

2. You can unclench your fists and relax. (Less likely.)

3. You can conduct late-night/early-morning conversations -- very possibly with yourself, using several different names -- about which high school teacher you'd most like to bang in the comments section of old Indecision 2008 posts about Ron Paul. (Been done.)

4. You can move to a faraway place where you never have contact with anybody else but other like-minded Ron Paul fanatics.

If that last one option sounds like the best one for you, then you need to get your ass to Paulville...

The goal of Paulville.org it to establish gated communities containing 100% Ron Paul supporters and or people that live by the ideals of freedom and liberty...

The community would be privately held by the co-op to establish private property for the general community thus preserving the community is 100% freedom and liberty lovers.

Why, that doesn't sound creepy at all! I'll bet that nobody gonna get murdered there. There in that secretive isolationist commune that demands nothing but your undying loyalty to the ideals of a single politician. My oh my, that sounds just like Heaven on Earth.

Extra special good news for you, Dell City, Texas. Because the very first Paulville community is moving in right next door to you!

The first Paulville based community purchace of land has happened! This land is in western texas a short distance from Dell City, Texas. The land is a 50 acre chunk of land, it is flat and level and ready to be developed. We have had a couple members that went to check out the area and took many photos of the area.

Why does rural Texas get all the luck?

You and me and pretty much everybody else in the world aren't the only ones who feel beaten down and tired out by this never-ending Democratic primary.

The polling firm Rasmussen Reports has just announced that it's fed the BLEEP up with all this bullBLEEP, and -- as far as it's concerned --Barack Obama is the winner and BLEEP off...

...while Senator Clinton has remained close and competitive in every meaningful measure, she is a close second and the race is over. It has become clear that Barack Obama will be the Democratic nominee...

With this in mind, Rasmussen Reports will soon end our daily tracking of the Democratic race and focus exclusively on the general election competition between Republican John McCain and Democrat Barack Obama. Barring something totally unforeseen, that is the choice American voters will have before them in November.

Something totally unforeseen like... alligators who fly UFOs that are powered by AIDS? If something like that suddenly became an issue in the primary elections for some reason, then, I think, maybe Hillary Clinton could still have a chance.

It is something of an American political tradition, the ballyhooed release of the candidate's tax returns. And these days, what with womenfolk getting out of the house and into the workforce, candidates' wives' tax returns are equally ripe for overanalysis.

Hillary and Bill Clinton have released their tax returns; so have Barack and Michelle Obama. War hero John McCain handed his returns over to the American people, too -- but his wife Cindy is refusing to follow suit.

Now, why could that be?

The McCains are extraordinarily wealthy -- one might even be tempted to call them "elites" -- and Cindy McCain's assets are estimated to be about $100 million, including a private jet, which her husband has been borrowing at a reduced rate.

Also, she doesn't want anyone to know that she files an annual Q-4!9p3x*~259.w form. That's how Borg Queens itemize their deductions.

(CNN) -- Sen. Barack Obama will win the North Carolina Democratic primary, CNN projects, but the race in Indiana is still too close to call.

Obama will pick up the larger share of North Carolina's 115 delegates.

With 21 percent of Indiana precincts reporting, Sen. Hillary Clinton leads Obama 57-43 percent.

There are 72 delegates at stake in Indiana.

Poll workers in Indiana and North Carolina reported heavy turnout in the two primaries that could be pivotal in the Democratic presidential nomination battle.

Turnout in the North Carolina Democratic primary was expected to reach 50 percent, according to Gary Bartlett, executive director for the North Carolina Board of Elections.

That figure would far exceed the 15 percent to 30 percent that usually turn out for a primary, he said.

The Indiana secretary of state's office said turnout was high throughout the day.

Indiana Secretary of State Todd Rokita will not release official figures until the end of the day, but said turnout looked more like a general election than a primary.

Polling officials in Indianapolis said they had set a record for voter turnout after being open for only six hours.  Watch the final push in North Carolina and Indiana »

According to early exit polls, half of Clinton's supporters in Indiana would not vote for Obama in a general election match up with Sen. John McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee.

A third of Clinton voters said they would pick McCain over Obama, while 17 percent said they would not vote at all. Forty-eight percent of Clinton supporters said they would back Obama in November.

Obama got even less support from Clinton backers in North Carolina where 45 percent of Clinton supporters said they would vote for him over McCain. Thirty-eight percent of Clinton supporters said they would vote for McCain while 12 percent said they would not vote.

Obama voters appear to be more willing to support Clinton in November. In Indiana, 59 percent of Obama backers said they'd vote for Clinton, and 70 percent of Obama backers in North Carolina said vote for her against McCain.

• iReport.com: Send photos, videos from the polls
• North Carolina guide: Clinton hopes to narrow gap
• Guide: Indiana primary could be 'tiebreaker'
• Dems ramp up attacks before primaries

Voters from both states were spilt over the controversy surrounding Obama's former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, early exit polls suggest.

In Indiana, 49 percent of voters in the Democratic primary said the issue was not important, compared to 48 percent who said it was an important factor in their vote.

In North Carolina 50 percent of voters said the Wright controversy was important, and 48 percent said it was not.

In both states, those who said it was an important issue largely broke for Clinton, and those who said it was not backed Obama.

Clinton has said the contest in North Carolina could be a "game-changer."

"It would be a game-changer if Clinton wins both North Carolina and Indiana by double-digit margins," said Bill Schneider, CNN senior political analyst. "That would signal to the superdelegates that Democratic voters are having serious doubts about Obama. She needs big victories because it's so late in the game."

Obama currently leads in pledged delegates and in states won, and he is ahead in the popular vote, if Florida and Michigan are not factored into the equation. Those states are being penalized for moving their primaries up in violation of party rules.

"If Obama wins both North Carolina and Indiana, that would be a game-changer but not the one Clinton is talking about," Schneider said. "The superdelegates would take that as a signal that the voters are ready to close the deal up with Obama."

In all, only 404 pledged delegates remain to be chosen, and Tuesday's total of 187 makes it the biggest single primary day left. Clinton would need to win 70 percent of the remaining pledged delegates to catch up with Obama.

"That's very unlikely," Schneider said. "She stands a better chance of catching up in the total popular vote."

With neither candidate expected to win the 2,025 delegates needed to clinch the Democratic nomination by June 3, the end of the primary season, the final decision will most likely fall to the 796 superdelegates: Democratic governors, members of Congress and party officials.  Watch what's at stake in Indiana and North Carolina »

Both candidates have spent the past two weeks shuttling between Indiana and North Carolina, each arguing to crucial working-class voters that their rival is out of touch when it comes to the pocketbook issues that are dominating the campaign. 

Looks like Barack Obama might be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after Wednesday night's debate...

Sen. Barack Obama suggested Thursday that he doesn't see any point in having another debate with Democratic rival Sen. Hillary Clinton.

It's funny how one terrible performance in an awful train wreck of a political gang bang can get you thinking like that.

"I'll be honest with you, we've now had 21," he said. "It's not as if we don't know how to do these things. I could deliver Sen. Clinton's lines; she could, I'm sure, deliver mine."

Does he actually think we care about what they say?

Talk about naive.

One of Hillary Clinton's biggest superdelegates may be prepared to flip before the convention...

New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine (D), who has already endorsed Sen. Hillary Clinton, said in a CNBC interview this morning that he may cast his vote at the Democratic convention for Sen. Barack Obama if Clinton doesn't win the popular vote.

While Corzine emphasized he still thinks Clinton will win the popular vote, he did open the door to a possible switch.

Yes, of course he thinks Senator Clinton will win the popular vote. We all think that Senator Clinton will win the popular vote. Please just don't hurt us anymore. Just let us go home. Just let us go home. We have wives and families.

The Moderate Voice's Shaun Mullen -- who, it should be noted, doesn't even know how to spell "Sean" -- is predicting a big upset in Pennsylvania next month...

The Keystone State would seem to be in Clinton's pocket because of several historic advantages that accrue to her. It has droves of blue-collar workers, Catholics, an elderly population second only to Florida and a Democrats-only primary that does not allow same-day registration.

All true, but this conventional wisdom overlooks:

* The substantial number of college students who have made up a big part of Obama's base in other primaries.

* The ongoing trend in the affluent Philadelphia suburbs away from moderate Republicans toward liberal Democrats, which also favors Obama.

* The nearly 900,000 new registered Democrats in large part because of the Obama campaign's superior grassroots organizing skills.

* The inability of the Clinton campaign to put up a full slate for the state's 188 delegates.

You keep thinking, Shaun Mullen of The Moderate Voice. That's what you're good at.

Meanwhile, I'm certain that a lot of Keystone State Obama supporters share his Mullen's feelings. But unreasonable positive expectations, followed by crushing defeat and inevitable dejection is nothing new to any Pennsylvania sports fan.

I've learned my lesson, thank you.

It's so heartwarming to see the little guystanding up against The Man and his evil, oppressive, mutually-agreed-upon-beforehand rules...

The Clinton campaign is circulating an e-mail petition to supporters that calls on the Democratic party to seat the delegates from Florida and Michigan at the Democratic National Convention in August.

Just to recap: Clinton won the primary contests in those states, but Florida and Michigan flouted party rules, so both candidates had pledged not to campaign there, and Obama's name was not even on the ballot in Michigan.

Nevertheless, a spokesman for the Clinton campaign, said that over100,000 people have signed the petition, which was sent out via e-mail late Wednesday night.

100,000 e-signatures in a day? Jesus! That's a lot! Very impressive.

That means she collected nearly as many e-signatures as my cousin did in his efforts to get the FDA to reclassify marijuana as a vegetable. And almost half as quickly.

I'm certain her petition will be just as effective.

Well, it's all over for Barack Obama. Time for him to give up the campaign and go home to Illinois. Because there's no chance he can win a general election against John McCain.

And we should know; we got this information from a very reliable source within the Democratic party, someone whose opinion we've all come to trust... former First Lady, Hillary Clinton. And what reason would she have to misrepresent the facts?

Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., and former President Bill Clinton are making very direct arguments to Democratic superdelegates, starkly insisting Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., cannot win a general election against presumptive Republican nominee, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.

Sources with direct knowledge of the conversation between Sen. Clinton and Governer Bill Richardson, D-N.M., prior to the Governor's endorsement of Obama say she told him flatly, "He cannot win, Bill. He cannot win."

Well, I just hope that some time between now and the Democratic convention in August, Hillary Clinton fills us in on who she thinks can win the election, because I don't know about you, but I'm starting to get nervous.

I just hope whomever she comes up with is a better choice than that loser Obama and the desperate, divisive, unpopular woman he's running against, whatever her name is. We truly do deserve something better.

Those Republicans really messed up when they nominated a doddering old Washington insider like McCain, didn't they? Talk about being out of touch. Luckily for all of us, the man who should have been nominated is proving his hard and fast steady steadfastivity and isn't giving up that easily...

Serves the Republican Party right! If those lumbering elephants weren't smart enough to recognize the spectacular political intellect they had just under their noses (er, trunks, I guess), then they don't deserve to have such a charismatic and effervescent candidate as Alan Lee Keyes as their nominee. They'll be disappointed come November.

Let's face it, when you're as popular and talented as Alan Keyes, you can pretty much write your own ticket; whatever party you join is pretty much ensured to win the White House. So, what about the Constitution Party? The real question is if theydeserve a Keyes nomination...

Sure, they're anti-war now. But what will tune will they be playing once Keyes lays on the charm and dishes out his singular powers of persuasion?

I'm betting that pretty soon the Constitution Party will quickly become the Con-Anti-War-Stitution Party, if you know what I mean.

What do you think?

It has been of dismay for me to finally come terms with a simple fact about this current presidential race: Each and every one of the three media darling candidates has, in the course of campaigning, proven themselves to be completely unworthy of the office of which they seek.

Barack Obama lacks experience and has shown us time and again that he is utterly incapable of answering a telephone after 2:30 or so a.m. Also, he's friends with a guy who says mean things about America sometimes, and we don't like that.

Hillary Clinton has outed herself as a liar -- and not just any kind of liar, but one who isn't smart enough to not lie about things that television crews have caught on videotape. And we think her husband is kind of a BLEEP these days.

And John McCain is old and he has a weird unsightly growth on the side of his face. What the hell is up with that thing? It's weird.

For these reasons, and many more, we are proud to announce -- on this glorious day of April something or other -- that the Indecision 2008 web team has decided to endorse -- excitedly and unequivocally and super-excitedly -- the presidential candidacy of one Mr. Alan Lee Keyes, ambassador, author, humanitarian, talk show host, friend.

What brought us around? Well, lets just say that we learned a thing or two about Mr. Keyes...

Did you know that if you had a puppy, and you were running late on your way home from work, Alan Keyes would feed your puppy for you, assuming you had given him a spare set of house keys?

Did you know that Alan Keyes is an anagram for "a snaky eel"?

Did you know that Alan Keyes loves you almost as much as you love America? Which is almost as much as Alan Keyes loves America.

Did you know that Alan Keyes is magnanimous, munificent, chivalrous, benevolent and unselfish? Or that he's always willing to lend out his thesaurus?

Did you know that Alan Keyes is a very generous employer and is willing to take untrained, inexperienced web writers onto his campaign's PR staff?

Did you know that Alan Keyes is an anagram for "alaen keys"?

By the way, please feel free to write us with any Alan Keyes related news that you should come across. And we mean any. You might think it's unimportant, but, believe me, we will feel otherwise.

I mean, we're going to be writing a lot of stories about Alan Keyes in the upcoming months. And, uh... there's not a lot out there. No. But, um, we'll figure it out.

The opinions and ideas expressed herein are those of the indecision2008 editorial board and do not represent those of Comedy Partners, its parent company, and/or its affiliates or any of the foregoing's agents, employees, or assigns.

What do you think?

We really can't believe this is true. It seems...impossible. But someone just infiltrated our bunker and told us that there are people out there who still aren't supporting Alan Keyes. The only explanation for this is that they haven't felt him yet.

So, in the spirit of true interactivity, InKeyescision proudly presents The Hand of Keyes.

Go ahead, touch it. Put your hand on his. Feel him. That's right. Yeah. Let it in. Let it wash everything else away. Feel the clarity. Feel the sweet, sweet relief.

Everything will be so much easier now.

What do you think?

He was only the warm-up act for Sen. Barack Obama's economic speech in New York on Thursday, but Mayor Michael Bloomberg sparked plenty of speculation by sharing the stage with the Democratic presidential hopeful.

Obama praised Bloomberg for "extraordinary leadership" and said the billionaire mayor "shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions."

A Bloomberg aide said that Obama asked Bloomberg to speak Wednesday and that the mayor didn't want to pass up the opportunity.

Their appearance Thursday comes four months after a breakfast meeting in New York that both politicians were sure to mention.

"Obama and I have to tell you that the reason I bought breakfast is because I expect payback at something more expensive," Bloomberg had said.

Obama joked that he's seeking a steak dinner. But political tongues were wagging about a potential ticket mate -- an idea Bloomberg has dismissed before.

"Nobody is going to ask me to run as vice president," he said in February.

Bloomberg, who flirted with the idea of a run for the White House as an independent, said in a February 28 New York Times opinion piece that he would not run for president.

The former Republican, who became an independent while in office, said he had "listened carefully to those who encouraged me to run, but I am not -- and will not be -- a candidate for president."

That decision, coupled with a party switch, fueled speculation that he could endorse a Democratic candidate for the White House.

But political observers say that, for one, Bloomberg doesn't represent a region of the country that a Democrat or a Republican would need. And they don't see him as "No. 2."

"[It's] hard to imagine Mike Bloomberg ... who built a multibillion-dollar corporation of great success, as the VP of anything," Democratic strategist Hank Scheinkopf said.

A Cabinet position such as Treasury secretary could be an option, observers say, but he'd have to support someone first.

"I have not endorsed a candidate, but I've been very clear it's my hope that all the candidates will explain in detail how they will handle the great challenges facing our country," Bloomberg said.

A Bloomberg spokesman says Sens. John McCain and Hillary Clinton have also reached out to Bloomberg after he said he wouldn't run and might endorse someone.

Observers say a Bloomberg stamp of approval would help any of them on economic issues. And the attention keeps the issues he cares about on the table. 

cost-free way for him to do it," New York magazine's Chris Smith said.

Another point Bloomberg stresses is the need to reach across the aisle and eliminate partisan bickering to get things done, a central theme of Obama's campaign.