gunpowderNlead's Blog

Had this man been found in my attic or just about anyones attic in the State of Texas, he wouldn't be sitting in jail in need of an Attorney-  he would be laying in the County Coroner's Office needing an Undertaker.    I would have just shot him first and then called for the Police.

Man Spends Days Unnoticed In Pa. Family's Attic
Last Edited: Monday, 29 Dec 2008, 8:20 AM CST Created: Monday, 29 Dec 2008, 8:20 AM CST Stanley Carter, 21, of Trumann, Ark., was arrested Friday after police found him living in a family's attic in Plains Township, near Wilkes-Barre, Pa. (MyFoxPhilly) (function() { try { var td, img, p; if (document && document.getElementById) { td = document.getElementById('story_image'); if (td && td.getElementsByTagName) { img = td.getElementsByTagName('img')[0]; } if (img) { p = img.style.paddingLeft; img.onload = function() { img.style.paddingLeft = '1px'; setTimeout(function() { img.style.paddingLeft = p; img.onload = null; }, 0) } } } } catch (e) { } })(); or just enabling jstl so that we can just write ${bean.property} and jsp takes care of the new lines. --> By The Associated Press

WILKES-BARRE, Pa.  -- 

A family didn't realize it had an unexpected Christmas guest until a man who had been in their attic for days emerged wearing their clothes, police said.

Stanley Carter surrendered Friday after police took a dog to search the home in Plains Township, a suburb of Wilkes-Barre about 100 miles north of Philadelphia. He was charged with several counts of burglary, theft, receiving stolen property and criminal trespass.

• Man in Northeast Pennsylvania hides in a family's attic. (Video: MyFoxPhilly)

• Photos of the scene (Images: MyFoxPhilly)

"When he came down from the attic, he was wearing my daughter's pants and my sweat shirt and sneakers," homeowner Stacy Ferrance said. "From what I gather, he was helping himself to my home, eating my food and stealing my clothes."

Police said the 21-year-old Carter had been staying with friends who are Ferrance's neighbors in a duplex. He apparently accessed the shared attic through a trap door in a bedroom ceiling.

Carter disappeared Dec. 19, and the friends filed a missing person report a few days before Christmas.

Ferrance said she had heard noises but thought they were caused by her three children. She notified police on Christmas Day when cash, a laptop computer and an iPod disappeared, then called police again the next day when she found footprints in her bedroom closet, where the attic trap door is.

Carter kept a list of everything he took, said Plains Township police Officer Michael Smith.

"When we were going through the inventory of what he did take, we found a note labeled 'Stanley's Christmas List' of all the items he had removed from the residence and donated to himself," Smith said.

Carter was in jail Sunday at the Luzerne County jail with a preliminary hearing set for Jan. 5. He did not yet have an attorney.

INSTALLING A HUSBAND
 
 Dear Tech Support ,
 
 Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and
Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as : NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1

Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE ,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2
and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed , Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remem ber, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 ..
Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the
Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0
(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all
your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
 
Good Luck!
Tech Support

If our greatest need had been information,
God would have sent us an educator,
If our greatest need had been technology,
God would have sent us a scientist.
If our greatest need had been money,
God would have sent us an economist.
If our greatest need had been pleasure,
God would have sent us an entertainer.
But our greatest need was forgiveness,
So God sent us a Savior.
 --Author unknown


From Our House to Yours
Merry Christmas

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner.


 This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. 

 They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.


  The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. 


  It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. 

 Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, 'Skippy!'. 


  The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. 

This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longerrrrrrip. 

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, 'Skippy!' 

 Once again the woman smiled and thought 'Yes!' A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. 

 She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.


  

 Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, 'Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!' 
 

They certainly need to find something better to do with their free time, they don't need any more children, although I suspect they will have more..... Good Lord people, learn to bowl.. quilt... play domino's... SOMETHING!

Arkansas family welcomes 18th child, a girl   AP – In this Aug. 2, 2007 file photo, Michelle Duggar, left, is surrounded by her children and husband Jim …

ROGERS, Ark. – An Arkansas woman has given birth to her 18th child.

Michelle Duggar delivered the baby girl by Caesarean section Thursday at Mercy Medical Center in Rogers. The baby, named Jordyn-Grace Makiya Duggar, weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces and was 20 inches long.

"The ultimate Christmas gift from God," said Jim Bob Duggar, the father of the 18 children. "She's just absolutely beautiful, like her mom and her sisters."

The Duggars now have 10 sons and eight daughters.

Jim Bob Duggar said Michelle started having contractions Wednesday night. She needed the C-section, her third, because the baby was lying sideways. Jim Bob said both baby and mother were doing well Thursday night.

"We both would love to have more," he said.

The cable network TLC broadcasts a weekly show about the Duggars called "17 Kids and Counting." Chris Finnegan of TLC — which handles public relations for the Duggar family — said the show's name would be updated to account for the latest addition to the family. He said TLC also will air a show Monday on the baby's delivery.

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

 
 When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the rum. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
--

 

Just thought ya'll would like to see how Texas handles wintry weather.  It isn't pretty. 
I have 168 people in my firm more than half of them have called in today to say it is too dangerous to drive.   My husband and I came in a couple of hours late to allow the sanding trucks to do their job and we had no problems.   Makes me wonder what on earth some of these people would do if they lived up there with ya'll....

Weather creates chaos for Dallas-Fort Worth commuters 10:52 AM CST on Tuesday, December 16, 2008 By DAN X. McGRAW and BLANCA CANTÚ / The Dallas Morning News
dmcgraw@dallasnews.com
bcantu@dallasnews.com

Dallas-area road conditions are improving a bit this morning, but commutes are still slow as ice remains on highway overpasses, causing slick conditions and accidents.

Temperatures remain below freezing this morning, and a light mist and snow fell in some areas.

Video var jsVideoWidgetSize = 0;var jsVideoWidgetVideoId = 313699; Commuters battle freezing temperatures during morning commute December 16th, 2008 More local/state video View larger E-mail Clip More Video Local/State Videos

Commuters battle freezing temperatures during morning commute

Post offices gear up for holiday rush on busiest mailing day of the year

Illustrator AG Ford discusses best-seller

Here’s the latest:

Weather: The National Weather Service extended the winter weather advisory until 4 p.m.

"There has been no measurable [precipitation], but it is still creating a mess," said weather service meteorologist Dan Shoemaker.

A light snow fell briefly in parts of Dallas, coating lawns and roadsides.

By this evening’s commute, temperatures should be just barely above freezing, WFAA-TV meteorologist Steve McCauley said. Most of the ice should have melted by then.

A slight warm-up will begin Wednesday and continue through much of the week. Temperatures are expected to climb to near 70 degrees by Friday. Another cold front will take temperatures down to 60 Saturday, according to forecasts.

JIM MAHONEY/DMN Jennifer Crutchfield was wearing all of her winter layers early Tuesday morning as she waited for her DART light rail connection to take her to the Art Institute of Dallas. View larger Photography Photo store

Traffic: The morning commute was reduced to a crawl on many ramps and roads. TxDOT says HOV lanes were closed because of slick conditions and not expected to reopen today.

"Almost every major interchange and bridge has or has had ice on it," said Kelli Petras, a TxDOT spokeswoman. "Most [parts of] the roadways are clear, but that’s part of the problem ... motorists become secure while driving on the roadway, then hit an ice patch on a bridge or overpass and spin out of control."

Crashes: TxDOT spokesman Mark Pettit said there were accidents everywhere. When crews would finish clearing one accident, "Boom! Another one happens somewhere else," he said. Dallas police said they responded to nearly 100 accidents between midnight and 5:30 a.m.

Also Online

Dallas-Fort Worth forecasts and radars

Regional radar

Weather around Texas

Blog: Dallas-Fort Worth weather updates

Traffic: Dallas-Fort Worth accident reports and conditions

Interactive: Cold weather tips

Check school delays and closings

Protect pets, home during a freeze

Get Weather alerts: E-mail | Mobile

Desktop weather radar

Share your weather photos

Fatalities: Authorities were attributing at least two fatalities to icy road conditions.

Early this morning, a Cleburne man died after the Ford pickup he was riding in rolled over in the 5400 block of northbound Interstate 35W in Alvarado. Domingo Juarez, 46, was ejected from the vehicle and pronounced dead. The driver and another passenger were taken to the hospital.

A 46-year-old Fort Worth man died late Monday in Irving after he lost control of his 2008 Toyota pickup and crashed into a utility pole. Mark Sargent was heading north in the 5900 block of Riverside Drive, Irving police said. Two passengers were injured.

Alvarado police responded this morning to a fatal single-vehicle accident on U.S. Highway 67 and Interstate 35W, according to dispatchers. It was unclear whether it was a weather-related accident.

Road conditions: The bridges at Interstate 20 and State Highway 360 were closed this morning because of ice and crews were working to sand them, Arlington police said.

TxDOT has 45 vehicles treating bridges and roadways in Tarrant County, said TxDOT spokesman Val Lopez. The crews will continue as long as the temperature stays below freezing and icy conditions persist.

"We're going to have a long day," Mr. Lopez said. "We didn't get hit as badly as the folk in Dallas."

Schools: Several districts announced closures or delayed openings. McKinney and Frisco school districts were closed. Both Dallas and Fort Worth school districts opened at their regular times. Check school delays and closings

Hospitals: Parkland Memorial Hospital says there has been an increase in trauma cases because of weather-related incidents, including car crashes.

Airports: American Airlines reported moderate delays at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport but no cancellations. Southwest Airlines reported no delays or cancellations as of 7 a.m. Dallas Love Field runways were open for arrivals and departures, a city of Dallas spokesman said.

Utilities: Oncor reported 650 outages through Tarrant and Dallas counties and said ice was not causing any major problems.

Too icy: It's even too slick for road crews. Shortly after 4 a.m., a Dallas sand truck slid on ice and flipped on Coit Road north of Interstate 635. The truck was headed to treat an icy location at the time of the accident. The driver wasn’t injured.

Last night: The first weather-related problems popped up Monday afternoon when ice was reported on bridges over area lakes, where wind was blowing moisture up onto the roadways.

Light rain began to fall as commuters began their afternoon trek home. By 6 p.m., the commute deteriorated as people hit patches of ice on highway overpasses and began to crash into one another.

Traffic crawled throughout the evening as police and emergency workers responded to crashes and worked to clear the roadways.

A Dallas fire engine got stuck on a bridge south of downtown because of the ice, said Jason Evans, a Dallas Fire-Rescue spokesman said Monday.

"I think the ice kind of caught everybody off guard," he said.

My friend Max shared this with me earlier, I never knew how the song came about, so I am passing it on to you all.  This was submitted to me by Max.  Thanks Max. 

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were
not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone
during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. 
It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning 
plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each
element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality
which the children could remember. 

-The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ. 

-Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments. 


-Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love. 

-The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John. 

-The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament. 

-The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation. 

-Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching,  Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy. 

-The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes. 

-Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,  Faithfulness, 
 Gentleness, and Self Control. 

-The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments. 

-The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples. 

-The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol...so pass it on if you wish.'

Merry (Twelve Days of) Christmas Everyone   

The man needs to be castrated with a butter knife,  sprinkled with honey, laid out under a hot Texas sun and be the menu a couple of days for the Texas Fire Ants.... then he needs a bullet right between the eyes.   Send him on down here.  We will take care of him. 
Anyone who can harm a child is evil and should be put to death.   He cannot be rehabilitated, he would only do it to someone elses child if he was evil enough to do it to his own.  That  child will be disabled for life and for that reason alone, he should have to pay with his.
Father Of Badly Beaten Infant Turns Self InLast Edited: Sunday, 07 Dec 2008, 10:59 AM ESTCreated: Friday, 05 Dec 2008, 5:09 PM ESTWTXF-Fox 29SideBar
Related ItemsVideosStoriesWarrant Issued After Father Of Badly Beaten Infant FleesInfant Hospitalized With Crushed Skull
Authorities said the nationwide search for the father of a three-month-old baby who suffered a violent beating is now over.

Video: Dad Sought In Son’s Beating 'Showed No Remorse’

Police said 32-year-old Henry Paris III arrived at the Upper Darby Police Department with family members and surrendered late Friday night.

Paris is in prison on $225,000 cash bail. He faces up to 20 years behind bars for aggravated assault. 

"He's in jail. He’s in very very high bail, $225,000 dollars cash bail so he's not going anywhere,” said Upper Darby Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood.

The three-month-old victim has been upgraded from critical to stable condition at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. 

Paris is accused of beating his son so viciously on November 24 that the child suffered a fractured skull, blood on the brain and three broken ribs.

A babysitter reported the injuries last month and, soon after, Paris took off.

"We knew he'd get caught and or turn himself in," said Chitwood.

According to the boy's doctors, because of the magnitude of his injuries, he will be permanently disabled. 

"Showed no remorse. Was here matter of fact. 'You got a warrant out, you're looking for me, here I am," said Chitwood.

Investigators said Paris probably showed no remorse because he's no stranger to the law. Fox 29 News first got a glimpse of him back in May when officers busted up a multimillion dollar gambling operation in west Philadelphia.

Now he's in trouble for allegedly abusing his only son.

"When you see these horrible cases of child abuse and you see that the protector is the predator, it's a sad commentary in our society," said Chitwood.

Police said Paris told investigators that he is lawyered up.

"Hopefully, he gets convicted in trial and hopefully he gets the maximum sentence of the law," said Chitwood.

He has been laughed at, ridiculed, the butt of many jokes and the blame for the state of our Country.   Come January.... Dubya and his lovely first lady Laura, are coming back home to Dallas.   Many of us knew the family long before they moved to Austin and ultimately to the White House, we all know what genuinely wonderful people they are and how they go out of their way to help others, not just in front of a TV camera, but out of the goodness of their hearts and when people least expect it.   He has taken alot of heat from the undesirables of this Nation and World, but I would have liked to have seen how any other President of the USA would have handled some of the situations that he has had to handle under his watch. I am glad it has been finally made official by the eloquent first lady herself, they are coming home to Dallas and Dallas is happy to have them back. 
W e l c o m e   H o m e
Bushes confirm purchase of Dallas home in Preston Hollow 11:19 AM CT

 

11:56 AM CST on Thursday, December 4, 2008

 

By TODD J. GILLMAN and RUDOLPH BUSH / The Dallas Morning News 
tgillman@dallasnews.com; rbush@dallasnews.coma>

 

The White House confirmed Thursday that the Bushes have purchased a house in Dallas’ Preston Hollow neighborhood for the couple to live in after his presidency ends in January.

 

Also Online

Link:  

First lady Laura Bush’s office declined to specify where the house is, but it appears likely the couple will live on Daria Place, a cul-de-sac in the upscale neighborhood.

 

“The president and Mrs. Bush do not have occupancy of the home, and therefore, no additional details will be provided,” spokeswoman Sally McDonough said in a written statement.

 

The president's accountant in Midland, Robert McCleskey, purchased the house at 10141 Daria Place as a trustee on Oct. 3, according to records on file with the Dallas Central Appraisal District, which values the home at $2,078,660.

 

Mr. McCleskey, who has handled Mr. Bush’s personal finances for years, declined to say Thursday for whom he purchased the property. The seller, Dallas developer Dan Boeckman, also declined to discuss the transaction when reached by telephone Thursday.

 

Built in 1959, the home sits on 1.13 acres, has four bedrooms, 4 ½ baths, a wet bar, a fireplace and 8,501 square feet of living space, including 896 square feet of servant quarters.

 

D magazine's real estate blog reported Wednesday night that the house next door went under contract last week but that the buyer remains a mystery. The deal is scheduled to close next Wednesday.

 

That house had been listed for sale at $1.6 million – unlike the house Mr. McCleskey bought, which was never formally on the market.

 

The next-door house is about half the size, on a slightly larger parcel and would be well-suited for Secret Service or even guest quarters.

 

Both properties, as D noted, back to estates of 14 and 24 acres, the latter owned by investor Tom Hicks – making it a site the Secret Service could approve. Mr. Hicks could not be reached Thursday morning for comment.

 

Mrs. Bush reiterated the couple's plans to return to Dallas on Wednesday, but she was vague on whether they've settled on a place to call home after Jan. 20.

 

"We will be moving to Dallas in January, and there might be a new house coming along," she told reporters during a tour of White House holiday decorations. "So I think that's where we'll spend our Christmas money."

 

The Bushes sold their home in Preston Hollow after Mr. Bush became governor. Their lease at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. runs out in 47 days.

I found that I am Sponge Bob Square Pants.... who are you? 

Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble?

A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test.

Answer all the questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results.

Do not cheat by looking at the end  before you are done .

1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?

A) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)

B) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)

C) Painting in the park (5 pts )

D) Rock concert (1 pt.)

E) Going to the movies (3 pts.)

2. What is your favorite type of music?

A) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)

B) Alternative (1 pt.)

C) Soft Rock (4 pts .)

D) Country (5 pts )

E) Pop (3 pts.)

3. What type of movies do you prefer?

A) Comedy (2 pts.)

B) Horror (1 pt.)

C) Musical (3 pts.)

D) Romance (4 pts.)

E) Documentary (5 pts.)

4 . Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?

A) Waiter (4 pts.)

B) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)

C) T eacher (3 pts.)

D) Police (2 pts.)

E) Cashier (1 pt)

5 What do you do with your spare time?

A) Exercise (5 pts.)

B) Read (4 pts.)

C) Watch television (2 pts.)

D) Listen to music (1 pt.)

E) Sleep (3 pts.)

6. Which one of the followi ng colors do you like best?

A) Yellow (1 pt.)

B) White (5 pts.)

C) Sky Blue (3 pts)

D) Dark Blue(2 pts.)

E) Red (4 pts.)

7. What do you prefer to eat?

A) Snow (3 pts.)

B) Pizza (2 pts.)

C) Sushi (1 pt.)

D) Pasta (4 pts.)

E) Salad (5 pts.)

8. What is your favorite holiday ?

A) Halloween(1 pt.)

B) Christmas(3 pts.)

C) New Year (2 pts.)

D) Valentine's Day(4 pts.)

E) Thanksgiving(5 pts.)

9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?

A) Paris (4 pts)

B) Spain (5 pts)

C) Las Vegas (1 pt)

D) Hawaii (4 pts)

E) Hollywood (3 pts)

10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?

A) Someone Smart (5 pts.)

B) Someone attracti ve (2 pts.)

C) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt)

D) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)

E) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)

Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you.

Very interesting to see 'who' your friends are!

(10-16 points) You are Garfield :

You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.

(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:

You are fun; you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you' re never out of style , you are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having children are important to you, but o nly after you have had your share of fun times

(24-28 points) You are Elmo:

You h ave lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much o f a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.

(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:

You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone c ould ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it' s funny and calm for the most part Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will be stress free.

(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown:

You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a f amily person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.

(44-5 0 points ) You are Dexter:

You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!

1.   Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.   Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
 
 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.   It's rare..  You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.  Have one for me. Have two.  It's later than you think. It's the holidays!
 
 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.  Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
 
 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
 
 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
 
 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted holiday cookies, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
 
 8. Same for pies. Apple,Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three.   When else do you get to have more than one dessert? LaborDay?
 
 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

 

 

Remember this motto to live by:

(PS. I already got this one covered)
 
Life should NOT be a  journey to the grave with the intention of arriving  safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in  sideways, chocolate in one hand, glass of red wine in the other, body thoroughly used up and totally worn out while screaming "WOO HOO! What a ride!"
 
 Have a great holiday season.

 

 

After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama is still alive',  Barrack Hussein Obama has now been telling everyone he will capture Osama Bin Laden when elected.' 

 

So, Osama himself decided to send Barrack Hussein Obama a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. 

 

Obama opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message: 

 

 370H-SSV-0773H 

    

Obama was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Howard Dean. 

 

Dean and the DNC and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to Joe Biden. 

 

Joe Biden could not solve so it was sent to the FBI and the CIA. 

 

Eventually they asked John McCain and his Staff to look at it. 

 

And within minutes McCain's Staff e-mailed Obama with this reply:  'Tell Obama he's holding the message upside down'

Spanish words of the day

 

 1. Cheese

 The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence.

 Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but Cheese fat.

 

 2. Mushroom

 When all my family gets in the car, there's not mushroom.

 

 3. Shoulder

 My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.

 

 4. TEXAS

 My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I¢m at!

 

 5. Herpes

 Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

 

 6. July

 Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me!  Julyer!

 

 7. Rectum

 I had 2 cars pero my wife rectum!

 

 8. Juarez

 One day my gramma slapped me and I said, ' Juarez your problem?'